Sunday, February 24, 2013

Rock en Seine--August 2011

Well, the hospital found something (traces of borelia and something else) and gave me the treatment my mom asked them to give me for ricketsiose. Super strong and had to stay in bed practically the whole time. But looks like it worked, cause I'm up and perky and getting my energy back, just on time for Rock en Seine!








28-08-11 Present for Michelle, grandparents, mai, mylene

29-08-11 The doctor was very happy to see me. well, she said she could tell right away that I was better. She was like wow you're pretty ha. She gave me an address of a specialist in angers au cas ou I get sick again. I told her about still being tired, and she prescribed some vitamins fortifiant. What else, my tests are all normal. I'll tell meme all this tomorrow.

31-08-11 "If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you."
-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

August 2011

My symptoms:
6-8-11  Though I am embarrassed at my lifestyle these days, this is my general make-up

feverish.
Cognitive memory issues. (I often lose track of thought while speaking and go blank. My brain does not function like it used to. I was a top student scoring 2100 on my SATs)
Sleep disturbances. (Apnea-new, Narcolepsy-new, Paralysis-lifelong)
Extreme fatigue
All over body pain. (flu like feelings)
Extreme light sensitivity.
Depression (obviously)
Feelings of uselessness, from lack of doing much.

Sedentary, from slowly adding to an already overweight issue.
Easily irritated by noise, specially in groups.

My predominant mental sensation when I'm at my worst is: frustration, anger (which I attribute to feeling like I'm not in control of the illness, I think), and fear of what will pop up next and how long will I be down.

I'm not sure I understand the physical sensation but I will try to give it anyway. Physically, on a daily basis, is no energy or motivation (scale of 1-10) about 8 1/2. If I have energy, it is the pain that keeps me otherwise down.
At my worst, it's the feeling of flu, pain all over my body, with my legs being the worst.

I hope this has not confused my case, if you have other questions feel free to ask them I am not afraid to tell you whatever you need to know if it will help in the long run.

Thanks again


9-08-11 I'm tired
finishing my medication tommorow evening, so I'll see from there
I do feel stronger though, slowly. I guess it just takes time to get back to full strength.
It's frustrating but I've just had no energy, mentally as well as physically


10-08-11 i'm so tired
i'm hoping to be all better tommorow...the meds finished today
i got my last test results when i was out, i was positive for something, some kind of infection
so i will call the doctor, but i want to finish the treatment first.
but really, she gave me an appointment, right before i was going to leave
it's not good enough if i am not well
anyways, if this medecine works i'll be ok
let's wait a bit
i need to be healthy NOW
i really need this month to pack up and put my affairs in order and work, and september to set up and get what i need for the school year
i can even rest more once i've moved and set up
it's just right now i need some energy


Advice for being a designer: 
13-8-11 Any words of advice or wisdom for someone trying to break into the industry?
Three words: Never give up!  And always be passionate about it.  The day you start doing it for money, chances are things will go wrong! And get used to hearing without emotions: ‘we don’t have the budget for new lines now’ because at the end, all the ones who say ‘no’ are always the ones who beg later for your product.  Just keep being good at what you do!  These mottos have built Bogosse into the strong brand it is today.

Life goal for third culture kids:
14-8-11 I want to start a bourse fund for third culture kids of low income parents. They have no rights, as they didn't grow up in their home country, and life is much more difficult for them. I know, I was one. They need all the help they can get.

Choices made for money:
15-8-11 One's life shouldn't be run by money. Choices that are made for the cost of things, are usually poor ones. Decide what you need, and then see how to get the money to afford it.

15-08-11 "If life gives you lemons make lemonade. Then go out and find someone whose life is given vodka and have a party. "

Whimsical:
16-8-11 i wish i could download motivation as easily as i can photos of those who have it.

19-08-11 Life is not the way it's supposed to be! Everything is wrong and I don't know how to make it right. There are so many things I want to do and be, but I am terrified of making a wrong decision. I want to be advised.
I feel like I've done everything wrong. It's not all my fault. But I have to live with it.


July 2011

"I miss my body, I miss my life, I miss my friends", said predder from glee (yet another line I relate to in a TV show).

I have time like I may never have again. To write my book.

Everything can be taken away from you. I used to pride myself that I wasn't an athlete, I wasn't a dancer, I wasn't a singer, my body could be mangled in an accident, and I would still have my mind. That is what I invested in. Reading, knowledge, writing. Yes I loved art, and music and I was afraid that one day they would take my eyes away or I would lose feeling in my hands. Near perfect SAT scores, finished high school at 15, and when I was finally allowed to pass the exam right after my 17th birthday, I aced it, all these things I was so proud of. I got fevers instead.

I have been through hell and back and all without a therapist.
I'm not advising it, I'm not recommending it. I'm just stating that I survived because I want there to be a record that I did. I will go through life pretending to be normal because that is what success means. Happiness, pleasure, a life, understood, aspired to lived. And yet what went on behind the scenes has to come out somehow.
I want to be a doctor somehow. Or a therapist. I feel like I have so much I want to give to the world, to avoid the pain, or learn through it.








My accomplishments:
I finished high school when I was 16, the 12th grade in 5 months. This was including I took a year hiatus when I was 15, when I left home. I was speaking french within 6 months of moving to a francophone country, started my own business when I was 17, sold my first painting when I was 17, had my first painting exhibit when I was 18.
Then I got sick, and my life went on static for 2 years. However I still managed to move to France, improve my french, get into Parsons Paris, and EEGP, go to an art school for a year, try the famous french concours, pass the first 2 epreuves of Les Arts Decoratifs, missing entry to the next exam by 0.75 of a point.
now what? I want an associates degree. and then I want a BA. I want a masters. I want to dress well, speak well, be educated. I know I could study something like business or law if I wanted to.
There are no limits. I could be a doctor, but I hate hospitals. I could study psychology. Right now, I want to study design. Maybe I'll want to study painting restauration, and make classy forgeries. I always was good at stealing. Little things. And I never got caught. Except once by my mom, probably my first theft of my friend's toy.
But to be a photographer...how classy would that be. I am talented in just about everything to do with art. Except, umhum, what I want to study. Shit. I am so scared that I am bad at graphic design. But I'm really good at drawing, copying, I could do book illustrations for children. I want to learn the old world techniques of painting. I love literature.

Avicennes:  Thanks to Mai who got me hospitalized in Avicennes, someone is finally taking my sickness seriously and running every test imaginable to find out what I have. In the meantime, Mom discovered on line that I fit all the symptoms for rickettsia africae, caused by a tick bite (remember that weird bug that bit me 2 years ago in Congo and left these ugly purple scars on my feet?) But the docs here are not convinced.

22-7-11 Everything is fine, well I don't have a fever, not since that last big thing before i went to the hospital, I'm just really tired still and sleeping alot, and I'm going to go to my next appointment with the doctor on the 27th of July. 
I wanted to ask my mom for the information on the tick test. I was thinking of asking the doctor at the centre medical i went to before to prescribe the test, so I can see if it could be that.
Zahid called me this morning, very sweet of him.

23-7-11 mom: I think you need to fight like crazy to get that test done, and even if it shows negative (cause it's so hard to detect), to ask the doctors to give you the medication for it to see if it works. Tell them that if that's what it is and it goes on being untreated, it could kill you, and you've had enough, almost 2 years now of being sick. Taking this medication will not kill you though. Say you've cooperated enough, you've given them enough time to investigate, you've taken enough tests, now it's time to try out medication. Both this one for ticks, and if that doesn't work, repeat the one Dr. Lewis gave you, which at least kept you healthy for a good 6 months. And if you're too weak and sick to fight with them, I'm gonna ask Stephy to come with you or I'm going to come myself.
me: I know, enough is enough, I am going to cry or I don't know what, but I can't just keep being sick. I need to work, I am on my own, its just not possible they don't cure me. 

30.07.11  i'm doing better,
i went swimming today
i'm still pretty tired, but better
which reminds me i need to take my meds now
have another appointment with the doc at the end of august, right before i leave
so it had better work
i asked for a letter detailing my history and the tests they did for when i go to a hospital in angers
in case i have to be suivi by somebody there
the specialist said its rien de grave
si c'etait quelle que chose de grave, comme un cancer
ils auraient du trouver avec tous les examens qu'ils ont fait
alors c'est rien de grave
i hope i keep getting better
i feel like i've done nothing but sleep and eat the whole month of july
the plan is not going to work if i don't have my health
i am also intending to work in angers, if i register as self-employed, i could legally do kids parties

My medical history--June 2011

Well, sure enough, as soon as my parents left, my fevers started all over again. My aunt Mai asked me to write up my medical history so she could get me hospitalized for in depth testing. Just before she was able to work it out, my temperature was so high I thought I was gonna die. And all doctors could say was to keep taking doliprane...



Histoire médicale pour Natalie Volpe

RDC:
30/10/09: examen sanguin détecte malaria P. ovale + infection urinaire
Traitement anti-malaria + antibiotiques mais fièvre continue,
faiblesse, vertiges. Ventre gonflé.
24/11/09: fièvre extrêmement élevée, vomissements, malaises,
semi-hospitalisation, on détecte infection massive, cure antibiotique
intraveineuse.
Convalescence lente.
Piqure d’insecte aux pieds et aux chevilles, plaies ouvertes extrêmement douloureuses. Traitement antibiotique. Cicatrices circulaires violettes. Pas de diagnostic précis à l’hôpital.


Début janvier 2010, Afrique du Sud:
Etat fébrile. Visite médicale, Examens négatifs. Visite chez un spécialiste
des maladies tropicales, Pr. Lewis, qui prescrit primaquine mais doit la
commander. Fièvre continue tous les après-midi, maux de tête, faiblesse,
vertiges. Ventre gonflé.
Avril 2010: traitement primaquine, suivi d'une légère amélioration, suivie
d'une reprise de température l'après-midi. Cette fois, le spécialiste
prescrit un traitement contre les parasites, qui est efficace.
Fin Avril 2010 : eu la rougeole, pendant 2 semaines.

Juillet 2010: Arrivée en France.
Octobre 2010: Fièvre, traitée par antibiotiques.
Février 2011: Fièvre, traitée à nouveau par antibiotiques.
3 mai 2011: Fièvre, maux de tête, vertiges, fatigue.
4 mai 2011: Série d'examens à hôpital Tenon, Dr. Develloux (sang, urines;
selles; radio).
Médicaments Heptamyl pour faire remonter la tension par médecin traitant: efficace.
Autres examens sanguins ont été demandés.
Pris médicament Artecom (malaria P. ovale) pendant 2 jours.

  Au début mai 2011, j’ai commencé à avoir de la fièvre tous les jours, toute la journée. Les deux dernières semaines, seulement l’après-midi. J’ai commencé à noter ma température deux fois par jour. J’avais un peu prés chaque jour soit entre 37,3 – 37,7 ou plus de 38 – 38,5. Mais tout ce weekend (18,19 juin) je faisais 38 depuis le matin, toute la journée.

Fin d'année chez Koronin












Projet Prométhée








Parc de Sceaux et Petits Bilingues--June 2011

Mom said she was going to cancel her ticket to Congo if I didn't get better. But since my concours for EEGP, my fevers have stopped, and I've been feeling better and stronger, so my parents decided to return to Congo early June and we spent the last couple days together at my grand-parents. Mom and I went to Parc de Sceaux together; I took pictures while she jogged.




Ca c'est les marguerites du jardin de Grand-Mère

Sur banc du jardin de Grand-Mère

Jardin de Grand-Mère

Fin d'année aux Petits Bilingues: To end my year with the kids, I organized a party with games and face-painting. They loved it! Here's some of their drawings as well:













And here's a clip I took back in March during one of my classes on teaching the kids time: http://youtu.be/X_pGXbuUWxk

22-06-11 If a crippled kid can learn to dance, I have no excuse. I can dance if I want to!
Glee inspires me!
"I have to focus on dreams that I can make come true." -- the crippled kid never dances. That doesn't mean I can't. dance that is, not become a professional dancer, I am realistic.
Nati has the perfect story.
Me too. Marie told me I sounded terrible. A little girl Chloe said I sounded like Shakira. Ha ha, well I know that was only because of the english. Those are really sweet kids though.