I understand that girl who wanted to fulfill her drea of being the youngest person to sail around the world. It is better than live a long life. She can die or she can live, content, happy it doesn't matter but fulfilled with the knowledge that she has fulfilled her dream! She did what makes her special what set her apart and that is what makes her important, what fills her life with meaning and joy, even if that is the end of her life. It makes sense.
"He'll always be hopeful, so he'll always be happy!"
23-09-11 Go to Nantes, see Vincent et Kimberly et mes cousins.
Arrived. Took the Bikelow. First time ridig a bike since I was 13! It really is just like riding a bike!
Went to a free FNAC concert with Kimberly "Back Pack Jax".
Saw Black or White, are lunch there.
Walked around town. Went to the chateau, went to the Lu, went to expo. Went to a vintage store.
Had dinner.
Book Pensées de Pascal.
Saturday went to an expo of a friend of Kimberly and Vincent (Nicole) saw paintings, the museaum, musee des Beaux Arts. Saw an expo on architecture.
Home big lunch together around 3:00.
Went to ride a bike around town.
Saw a galerie des glaciers Anne Smith.
Saw the outside of Petits Marais but there was no one in there.
Ile de Versailles where it's possible to rent canoes.
Photos of the water sunset.
Left the house around quarter to 8.
Vincent is now my favorite uncle! I really like Vincent! He is such an amazing man, admire his intelligence and his wit, and I see alot of similarities between us. 6 December Birthday is close to mine, that's why.
Kimberly: "Je comprends tout à fait. D'être capable de donner, quand toute ta vie il avait fallu demander, c'est le plus grand plaisir du monde."
Money sometimes CAN buy happiness. Not love. But then love isn't happiness.
Happiness is meek, douce.
Love s forceful, passionate, vengeful, jealous, and can cause you to do things you never would have dreamed of.
I tried discribing the house to them before I left, how beautiful it would look at Christmas time. The shining baubles that were already there, turned silver and the background white. It was all so lovely and crazy. Sebastien showd me pictures, there were two od them, showing exactly what I had imagined.
It was then that I knew that I had to be a writer. I had to explore the world of impossibilites, the things nobody else saw.
i just heard a noise again in my carton a dessin bag that i had bleached
so i just threw it out the window
it was broken anyways
i'm really tired...
i'm starting school tommorow
i was exhausted when i came back from nantes
i've been sleeping the last two days
today i got up and about
i'm worried
but what to do
i got some wheat germ and oat bran to add to my healthy diet
i was just really unable to do anything the last 2 days
there are still quite a few things i didn't get to do...
i just hope i can do them after school
i'm losing touch with all my friends in south africa, its making me really sad
good friends are irreplaceable
they won't answer me
i've contacted them
i'm sure they're busy and they have their own lives and all
anyways
25-09-11 I'm too curious to commit suicide. I'm thinking it will be black and nothing, I want to see what will happen next in life first.
*****
Everything is so hard. I'm so tired and weak. I can't keep living like this. I'm so tired I can't do anything. I'm too sick. There is no way for me to live.
I love life, but I can't live it. I don't even have the option of being a burden on my family.
I'll go as long as I can, but if it becomes clear I am not getting better, I am going to remove myself before I fail school, get kicked out of my apartment.
I am not mentally ill. I am so physically weak and tired that I cannot live my life.
I cannot support myself, I cannot do well in school, I can't even have fun. What is the point?
28-09-11 Instead of a gun, I bought wheatgerm and bran. I want to get healthy again.
*****
Ce pays est tellement beau!
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